Business NLP FORDUMmIES‰ Business NLP FORDUMmIES‰by Lynne CooperA John Wiley and Sons, Ltd, Publication. Applied NLP for Business Results™ networking events, where business the Neuro-linguistic Programming Workbook For Dummies with Romilla, Kate. When used in a business context, NLP techniques can transform both your own and your team's performances. This practical guide to NLP at work will help you.
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Achieve business success with Neuro-linguistic Programming. People around the globe use NLP to improve their communication skills, build rapport, make. need a whole new approach to your personal development through NLP. NLP has been proven effective in a variety of fields from business to sports to. Download Coaching With NLP For Dummies PDF nlp for icvamlakunsva.tk linguistic. Neuro- Download business nlp for dummies (for dummies (business.
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No Reviews are Available. Most Helpful Most Recent. You hope that your career brings personal development, fulfilment, and, of course, the means you need to live a comfortable life. Yet sometimes your working life falls short of your expectations and hopes. Making a success of your working life and achieving your professional goals and dreams depends on more than your qualifications, experience, and jobrelated skills. These days, getting on at work relies on exceptional communication skills and the ability to flex and change continually.
Understanding the principles and tools of neuro-linguistic programming, or NLP, can help you become an excellent influencer, as well as acquire the self-awareness and techniques to adapt and change to achieve your aspirations.
Find out more about the value of NLP in business in this chapter, before moving on to discover dozens of ways to put its principles to use in the rest of the book. So in order to get a different result, you probably have to make some changes and find alternatives to your tried-and-tested actions and responses to people, situations, and challenges.
At the heart of NLP is the idea that if you about continually seek new choices and try different things, you achieve what you want. Throughout the book I show you how to use NLP to discover the drivers of your thinking and behaviour. Think of your brain as a bespoke computer, programmed to run you.
As with any software program, you only notice the bit that comes up on the screen. The detailed and sophisticated program is running behind the scenes, out of your awareness. You may not realise that some of this software can be deleted, installed, or upgraded to get far more effective results. The same can be said of your unconscious mind. NLP offers you the keys to unlocking your own potential. Reprogramming your mind for success is in your hands. Removing previous limitations is inevitable.
All you can change is yourself and how you respond to other people. When people around you are ready to change, you can use many of the tools and approaches you discover in this book to coach and help them. Turn to Chapter 12 for more on coaching others. Neuro-linguistic programming sure is a mouthful. Your conscious and unconscious thought processes activate your nervous system, which influences your physiology breathing, posture, movements and so on , how you feel, and what you do and say.
A program — for a computer or in your brain — is a succession of steps designed to achieve a particular result. Your personal programs lead to the results you get and the impact you have on yourself and others. Studying and observing Leaders in the field of NLP most commonly describe NLP as the study of the structure of subjective experience, which is a very obscure way of saying studying how individuals think and behave. Understanding how someone does what they do well allows you to create a model of that capability so you can replicate their excellence.
NLP gives you skills and tools to find out how others achieve great results. As you can see, NLP can be many different things to many different people — from a science to an attitude. In my experience, people who learn about NLP take what they want from the wealth of available insights and techniques.
How you define NLP after you begin your journey of discovery is entirely up to you. Richard Bandler, a mathematics student, and John Grinder, a professor of linguistics, started the collaboration that led to NLP. The success of these therapists intrigued Bandler and Grinder. Their styles and personalities seemed quite different, yet they were each achieving amazing change with clients with very significant problems.
Erickson, M. Many other leaders in the fields of communications, systems theory, the study of complex systems in science, nature, and society , and psychotherapy informed the development of NLP.
In particular, Gregory Bateson, an anthropologist with an interest in linguistics, systems theory, communications theory, and psychotherapy, provided a strong influence. Over the last 30 years, others have developed and contributed new models using the NLP modelling capabilities evolving in the field and extended thinking in NLP.
The quest to study human excellence continues. In its very early days NLP was used primarily in personal development and therapy, Before long it began to be used in a much broader range of situations, including business. They have preconceived ideas from things that they have heard — or indeed they may have just had a bad experience of working with an unskilled or badly trained practitioner.
Well, everyone is entitled to have their own map of the world I talk more about maps of the world in Chapter 3. Try it out for yourself and then draw your own conclusions. Everyone is entitled to their own map of the world — including you! NLP is now applied in counselling, education, parenting, health, personal development, coaching, voluntary service, sport, and, not least, in business. New discoveries, new models, and new ways of thinking are continually emerging from the many people whose talents NLP has unleashed.
Business people now widely use NLP. Forward-thinking organisations embrace NLP because they benefit from its positive effects on individuals, teams, and overall business performance. Your journey through NLP is a voyage of discovery. With this book — and perhaps other books, workshops, and online resources — you can sail through the wide variety of valuable tools, techniques, and models on offer.
In this book, I introduce many aspects of NLP thinking and approaches that are employed successfully in business.
Use as much or as little of this information as you please. I suggest you prioritise and use those parts of NLP that appeal to you most. The book does not deal with NLP as therapy.
It has been an effective tool for curing phobias, overcoming post-traumatic stress disorder, and responding to anxiety and other major issues that affect health and happiness. The following sections address key benefits of including NLP tools and techniques in your business life: communicating, leading, and achieving the best results. Enhancing interpersonal effectiveness Modern-day business success demands not only good interpersonal skills but also exceptional powers to influence and persuade.
People need to work together, cooperate, negotiate, influence, inspire, and motivate others to get the job done. Good customer service is critical to keeping competitive advantage.
Getting your message across effectively to prospective downloaders and managing communication through broadcast and online media are constant challenges. People interact through a variety of channels and in many different ways — face to face, on the phone, through dancing, e-mails, letters, touch, and more.
As I described in Chapter 2, there are many things which you may not currently be noticing. Letters, face-to-face meetings, telephone calls, and faxes all still happen. Yet so many more channels bombard workers today as new communications continue to be introduced, including SMS messaging, mobile phones, video-conferencing, and so on.
Even if you sit behind a computer most of the day, you probably spend a huge amount of time using this piece of hardware to communicate with others. Surprisingly, only 7 per cent of what people respond to comes from spoken words. Chapter 4: Communicating the full message. Chapter 5 explores the roles of body language and tone further. A humorously intended comment in an e-mail, written with a smile on your face, may not be received with humour by your reader.
Face to face, the recipient can see your smile and hopefully understands your joke. Focusing on people power As the western world continues to shift industry emphasis away from manufacturing towards service-, retail- and leisure-based businesses, polished communication skills become increasingly important. The focus of business is less and less on making things and more and more on interacting with a customer, supplier, business partner or the community.
Of similar importance is communicating within and across an organisation, whether a company, a public body or a not-for-profit organisation. The Oxford English Dictionary includes people in its definitions of these two modern workplaces: An organised body of people with a particular purpose, for example, a business.
A number of people gathered together. In my experience, the biggest barriers to success in organisations are misunderstandings, difficult relationships, and blaming. All these are peoplecentred issues.
Business NLP For Dummies
Building Working Relationships That Work When I work with groups that have open communication, that give people the chance to contribute and influence, and that motivate and support one another, good things happen. The employees are engaged, energised, creative, and willing.
And funnily enough, these groups typically achieve their goals and more. For example, when you communicate with someone else: External behaviour Person 1 Figure The response— behaviour cycle. Internal response Person 1 Internal response Person 2 External behaviour Person 2 To envision the response—behaviour cycle in action, imagine your boss congratulates you on a recent job well done.
You feel good as a result of the praise your internal response. You smile, thank her, and add that you only did it with her good leadership and support your external behaviour. She flushes pink, stammers slightly, and changes the subject her external behaviour. Understanding More, Achieving More through Communication In this example, the response of the boss — embarrassment — was not what you were intending to create when you thanked her.
Lots of people would have been delighted to receive such feedback. However, we are all different, and can have quite different reactions to the same experience.
Read more about this in the later section: Working with Different Maps of the World. This involves: Think about how the process of communicating with others connects to the following five principles: Even if you sit through a meeting without saying a word, your body language will be speaking for you! If someone is offended by a remark you made, it becomes offensive even when your intention had only been to make them laugh.
When you take responsibility for the effectiveness of your communications, should you not persuade someone to do what you had hoped, that is useful information. Adapting your approach, like the master communicators, is the key to getting different results.
When you are flexible and ready to try different things, you are more likely to convince or prompt others to follow your ideas. Your thoughts give signals to others — what you think, believe, value, and want. Your map of the world guides your thoughts. Given that everyone receives and processes information differently, understanding how someone else sees things differently to you can be extremely helpful.
Some researchers contend that people face up to 2 billion bits of information every second. In fact, over 50 years ago Professor George Miller, an American psychologist, claimed that the conscious human mind can deal with a finite number of pieces of information at once.
The clue was in the title of his paper: Seven Plus or Minus Two. So, your brain selects what it consciously and unconsciously takes in — what you see, hear, feel, smell, and taste at any point. How does it do this?
Through very sophisticated filtering systems that develop into patterns over time. Your filters are unique, leading to your exclusive map of the world. As you pay attention to what you see, hear, or feel, you compare experiences with your own patterns of behaviour.
As a result, you may feel irritated or demotivated. For your boss, this checking behaviour may mean that she wants your work to be presented at its best to others so she can help get you a promotion. When you stop and remember that someone else has a different map of the world to you, you have more choices in how you react. In the example of the boss checking your work, if you find out more about her map of the world, or just decide for yourself that there could be a number of reasons for her behaviour, some of which would be to your benefit, you may well start to feel quite differently about the situation.
Simon, a leader I was coaching, complained of a lack of cooperation from Tom, a member of his team. When Simon asked him to do something, Tom often replied with a brief e-mail saying who he had delegated the task to.
However, Tom was delegating so he could keep focused on his own schedule and thought his boss would value his use of initiative to ensure the jobs were completed quickly.
Creating individual maps People put a wealth of different kinds of filtering systems to work, unconsciously, to form the maps from which they develop their individual patterns. I introduce these filters in the following section, and you can delve more deeply into some of these in Chapters 5 and 7.
Deletion Given the bombardment of stimuli that you receive at any one time, you quickly develop the ability to delete much of the information in your surroundings.
This is a natural process that starts very early on in life. As you read this book, are you aware of the feeling of the book in your hands? Until I direct your attention, these very real experiences may well have been some of the information that your system was filtering out and deleting, without you ever knowing. Everyone deletes information to make sense of the world differently.
You might want to do the same for your machines. What problems? Who had the problems? What machines might I need to fix, and why? What is he talking about? His work relationships improved substantially. Distortion You distort information that your senses take in.
When communicating, people distort what they hear and see by filling in extra bits from their own experiences. The process is quite normal — everyone does it to make sense of what other people are communicating. Maybe you accuse someone of being grumpy when you want him to download into your enthusiasm — just because something else is distracting him.
Business NLP For Dummies. Lynne Cooper
Yet how many times have you heard or said the immortal line: Mark was explaining to me how nervous he became when he made a presentation to a client. He got flustered, his face turned pink, and he stumbled over his words. We explored what triggered his nerves and discovered that the expression on the face of one of the clients was particularly potent. When I suggested that the client may have just had bad wind, Andy started to see the funny side of the situation and began to plan a whole different approach for his next client presentation.
Generalisation You generalise from your experiences to form your opinions and beliefs. When you burn yourself on a hot stove, you generalise pretty quickly that stoves are hot and not safe to touch. Although people can generalise after just one or two examples of something happening, sometimes they need a whole lot more evidence to formulate a sound generalisation. Maintaining your belief system depends on generalisations.
You generalise from your experience and believe that your employer will meet that commitment. This ensures that you work hard, and rest easy, in the comfortable belief that you will be paid on the said date. You may hear a friend wax lyrical about a talented child, set to be an international concert pianist. Sensory-specific thinking You use your senses to experience the world, form memories, and create new ideas within your mind.
Over time, people start to use one of the senses of sight, hearing, or feeling somewhat more than the other two. This preference in turn becomes a filter on your experiences, meaning that two people do not have an identical experience of the same occasion or incident.
Where the keynote speaker wore that purple suit and showed a lot of slides with graphs on. He was the guy who talked about the economic forecast and told us how grim things were going to be this year. I was just thinking about how good that stage set-up was and whether we can copy it for our next event.
I recall the sound system was a bit crackly. By contrast, Jack remembers hearing the fanfare but remembers far more of the things he saw. Understanding More, Achieving More through Communication Metaprograms Metaprograms have been identified by early NLP developers as some of the habitual patterns of thinking that control how you like to work and what motivates you.
Consider possible metaprograms related to problem solving and achieving goals. I discuss six other important workplace metaprograms in Chapter 7. Which of the following is most like you: Tools and processes are important, and you see little room for emotion at work. When my colleague Mariette and I run training workshops together, we often get some way through the day and find we are behind schedule. This is invariably due to me. The good news is that language actually flags up the metaprograms people are using — if you have a well-trained ear, of course.
Table highlights the different kinds of language that let you know whether someone is more task oriented or relationship oriented in the workplace. Task or Relationship Orientation Signs Orientation Talks about Sentence structure Relationship People, feelings, emotions, individuals by name People are the object of sentences.
My boss was delighted. They all seemed to get something from it so we should see increased sales. Like all metaprogams, these orientations are just different. In fact, the most successful teams often have people representing both extremes — as well as some people in between — to ensure the job gets done but in a cooperative and collaborative way.
You may be tempted to stereotype a metaprogram pattern based on gender. Indeed, many women are relationship oriented, while many men are task oriented. However, beware! Always test out your observations by carefully watching and listening. Chapter 7 has lots more on six common metaprograms that have a strong influence on how people operate at work.
I tell you how to spot various metaprograms in yourself and others — and how to make changes in order to work better with other metaprogram patterns.
Beliefs Beliefs are very powerful. Beliefs are an important influential filter on your experience.
You start to acquire and form your beliefs from birth and continue adding to and refining them throughout your life.
Many of your beliefs come from what and how you generalise. Another person may believe that as they want to be wealthy they will be, because they generally get what they want when they put all their energy and drive into a goal.
For instance, you may believe someone at work is not committed as they frequently take sick leave. You subsequently learn they are suffering from a serious condition and actually are working more time than their doctor advises. You now believe this person is incredibly committed to the company. Maybe you believe that you should always help others at work ahead of working on your own projects.
Beliefs come from various sources, including: If IT support people fix your PC quickly twice, you may generalise this experience and believe that IT supplies good service.
What then happens when you speak to other colleagues who have different experiences and believe differently? Sometimes the collective experiences, beliefs, and opinions of others colour and change your beliefs.
For example, you discover that the colleague who snapped at you is generally regarded as a very amenable, helpful and pleasant person to work with, until she was recently under threat of redundancy.
You now believe her anxiety led to her aggressive behaviour and that she is actually a nice person.
You may also find out that colleagues have been left waiting two weeks for critical IT updates and repairs and that this delay is seriously damaging their ability to do their jobs. You now believe that IT service is variable and not to be relied upon. Building Working Relationships That Work Given the difference in life experiences from individual to individual, people unsurprisingly develop different, sometimes contradictory, beliefs.
I explore more about the role of beliefs in the world of work in Chapter Values Values, like beliefs, differ from person to person and serve as significant filters on the world. Values on the other hand are more like beliefs about what is right and wrong, good or bad.
Values are powerful motivators, or drivers, of behaviour, both constructive and destructive. You also use your values to evaluate yourself and others. If service is important to you, you do your utmost to do your best for customers. If you value loyalty and honesty and notice a colleague taking some stationery home, you may well find yourself in conflict — whether to be loyal to your workmate or inform someone about the potential theft of company property.
Business often develop formal values that they ask employees to subscribe and work to. Many organisations also have a sub-culture of values.
Julia, a friend of mine working in an investment bank, admitted that she just used to hang around at night until she thought it was an acceptable time to leave the office according to her manager, usually at least 13 hours after arriving. Julia valued her home life and family, and eventually found the conflict between the implicit corporate values and her own values caused her too much upset. She eventually left the bank. Conflicting values are a continual source of challenge to effective communication and cooperation in business.
A few examples of things that people hold quite opposing values around include: Does it matter whether things are late as long as you do them well, or do you think being on time is important? Is working harder more important than working smarter? Do you put value on the amount of hours you spend on the job, or do you value work—life balance? Do you value being dressed formally or professionally for work, or do you value choice, comfort, and informality in appearance?
Do you value being able to speak to anyone, or do you think following hierarchical protocol is important? You can find out more about values in Chapter Mastering Communication Your various patterns of thinking and behaving are well programmed into your system.
Your unique set of filters on the world defines your attitudes, opinions, and thoughts. You can be quite proud of these patterns. They have certainly got you to where you are today.
Constructing connection The next time you want to communicate something at work, take some time — even a few seconds — to plan before you speak. What do you want to have happen as a result of this interaction? Be specific with yourself. What responses are you receiving? Are you getting the types of response that you want? How else can you communicate something that may connect with the other person? If you discover these patterns in yourself, you can then find ways to effectively influence others, through speaking so that people can hear, understand, and respond positively.
You only have to watch babies on their voyages of discovery as they explore their surroundings through looking, listening, touching, tasting, and smelling to know how important the senses are. As you grow, your senses continue to play a critical role in shaping your understanding of the world.
In this chapter, I explore the senses in depth: Celebrating the Senses Humans use their highly sophisticated senses — sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell — to discover new things and develop throughout life. As you grow and mature, you also use your senses to engage with other people and things, and to create the basis of your emotional connections and experiences. Building Working Relationships That Work Similarly, you use your five senses to create your internal version of the world.
When you remember an incident or imagine something that may happen, your mental processes use your senses. Take a moment to remember an occasion at work when you were very successful. Simply recall a time when you did a good job and got a great result.
When you think back to that time, how do you remember? I often hear people declare what they think and commenting on what others think. They so often put attention on the what. Indeed, how can be even more important and revealing than what. When you think back, maybe you can see a picture in your mind — possibly even a kind of moving film of what happened. Spend some time thinking about the sounds of the event: Think about your other senses during the event.
Can you remember how you felt at that time? Maybe you can even experience some of those good feelings right now as you think about it. You may even recall a smell or a taste — perhaps a celebratory glass of something? Yet through your senses you recreate the experience in your mind. How can you know what to say and what to do before you start?
Perhaps you may: To do any of this you have to use at least some of your senses. For example, you may make pictures, hear words, and experience feelings about the presentation — but everything happens internally. Chapter 5: Funnily enough, the developers of NLP then named the senses representational systems. Over time, the senses have become informally known among people versed in NLP as rep systems for short. To keep things easy in this chapter — and throughout the book — I use the short form for various rep systems.
VAKOG is the acronym used to describe the five senses: Everyone uses their senses differently. Further, knowing more about how you use your senses — and discovering how others use theirs — helps you find a key secret to becoming a master influencer. And by extension, you do it your way, and everyone else does it their way.
Why not? Well, how people use their minds to remember and create things is something they develop, usually unconsciously.
Over time you develop preferred senses to filter your experience. Check out Chapter 4 for more on filters. Building Working Relationships That Work The how of writing this book I seem to do most of my thinking kinaesthetically, although I do see lots of pictures as well. Although my preferred sense is feeling, I do use all three senses — and so will you.
As I sit at my desk writing this book, I hear words in my head before I type. How do I know that I need to change a word? Well, I compare what I see on screen to my memories of how particular words should look. These memories are stored as pictures in my mind.
Each person tends to develop a preferred rep system — one sense that you use more than the others. Bottom line: Consider this example: And interestingly, her feedback is typically about what the aspects that need changing may look like. Having changed just one question I use with Mariette, our collaboration on training design is now smooth, easy and effective.
I do like an easier life! Identifying your VAK patterns If you think you already know which rep system you use the most, then the rest of this chapter can help you test out your belief. Do you get a picture, sound, or feeling first? Try some other memories too. Think back to your last holiday, what you did last weekend, your best day at school. Test out what you discover by exploring lots of memories. Good, bad or neutral memories all count, but why not spend time enjoying some good times again?!
Following are some other clues to figuring out your VAK thinking. As you study these characteristics, does any rep system seem more familiar to you? You may enjoy art, images, symbols, or graphic design. You may be good at seeing how things may look, keeping an eye on things, or getting things into perspective. You may enjoy reading, drama, writing, speaking, poetry, or music. Ideas may resonate with you. You may seek harmony with people and like to talk things through. You may enjoy dance, sports, yoga, or other physical activity.
You may be comfortable with touch. You like to make an impact. That way you have more choices to work with and influence others who use different rep systems to you. You can get many clues by watching and listening closely to three telltale signs: The kinds of words and phrases people use. Following the eyes Next time you ask someone a question, pay close attention to his eyes. Do they travel upwards, downwards, or to one side?
You need to watch what happens immediately after you ask the question and before he answers. The eyes move as the other person thinks about his answer. Look hard — it can all happen very quickly! Extensive research found distinct patterns of movement in six directions.
Each movement clearly shows how a person is thinking. Being from a different culture or race has little bearing on the results. The movements, and what they mean, remain the same. The following sections describe the eye movements for individuals with various rep systems. Visual thinking is quite noticeable, but the eye movements can be fast. If you watch carefully you can see movements like those Figure depicts.
Eyes up and to the right Eye movements for visual Imagined or constructed images thinking. Eyes up and to the left Remembered images Chapter 5: Making Sense of Other People for Better Influence As you can see in Figure , remembered pictures are accessed up on the right as you look at a person, and new, imagined pictures up on the left. Find out for yourself how the eye movements for visual thinking work by asking a friend or colleague to experiment with you.
Ask the other person a few questions and notice where his eyes go. Ask several questions — that way you can observe multiple eye movements and check that the movement patterns match the majority.
The kind of questions to try include: The eyes move from side to side, as if looking to the ears. Figure illustrates this in action. Eyes to the right side Eye movements for auditory Imagined or constructed sounds thinking.
Eyes to the left side Remembered sounds Like eye movements for visual thinking, memories are accessed on the right as you look at someone, whereas new sounds are created on the left. Test out the eye movement patterns for auditory thinking with your friend or colleague by giving instructions or asking questions such as: Eye movements for self-talk Another eye movement is associated with auditory thinking — looking down and to the right as you look at someone, as Figure shows.
This movement is a distinctly different kind of hearing activity. Everyone does it! Eyes down and to Eye move- the right ments indicating self-talk. Feelings and emotions To spot self-talk in action, ask your willing co-experimenter a few questions such as: Eye movement for kinaesthetic thinking The eye signal that someone is thinking with his feelings is a look down and to the left as you face him, as in Figure When you see this it will indicate that the other person is doing one of the following: They sat opposite each other at the two ends of a rectangular table, while I sat between them.
nlp for beginners
As dinner progressed, their desire to talk to me about their marital issues grew. Like a tennis fan I turned my head from side to side to hear their respective complaints. When Angela spoke, she looked up high. When Peter spoke, he seemed to be examining the table, looking down and slightly right.
After a number of exchanges, Angela turned to me and Figure Eye movement showing kinaesthetic thinking. He was working hard to make sense of the complaints and accusations Angela was making — all delivered with much more speed than he was able to handle.
He was stuck deep down in his feelings as he tried to work through it all, and therefore he was eyes down at the table. Angela meanwhile, kept looking up high, seeing her thinking in pictures, with her preference for visual thinking. Eyes down and to the left Self talk internal dialogue To see kinaesthetic thinking in action, persuade a friend or colleague to have just a bit more fun playing with this stuff. Give him instructions like: Feelings can take a little longer to access than other senses.
Actually, realising how much of yourself you flag up with just a few unconsciously selected words and phrases is quite scary! Table lists some sensory-specific words and phrases you may hear people use — or indeed you may use yourself. Of course, many more language-based clues than those in the table exist, so listen well. A few examples include the following: I smell a rat, bitter sweet, clear the air, fresh, palatable, juicy, bland, cheesy, savour the moment, whiff, stale, spicy.
However, two factors may trip you up: Some of what you hear is logical and conceptual. Think about legal documents — they rarely include sensory words. Look through the e-mails you receive this week and notice how many or how few sensory-specific words they contain. Examples of words that are not sensory-specific include organisation, analyse, introduce, goal, experience, strategy, understand, utilise, analysis, appraise, decision, download, sell, success, communicate, and learn.
This jargon becomes the lingua franca, or common language, of people within the company. And some of this jargon may seem to suggest a particular rep system. Phrases like client focus, the vision, in discussion, a hearing, moving forward, and beating the competition sound like they have sensory connections. One of my colleagues says something regularly that always leaves us laughing.
Guess which is her primary representation system?! The speed at which you talk and the associated breathing characteristics are very good indicators of a dominant rep system. Your posture and where you point with your hands give additional signs. Table gives you an overview of what to look and listen for.
Building Working Relationships That Work Table Physiological Clues to Specific Representational Systems Clue Visual Auditory Kinaesthetic Breathing High and shallow Through the diaphragm Deep in the abdomen Voice tempo Fast Fluctuating Slow Posture Leaning back, head up Leaning forward, head cocked Head and shoulders down Gestures Gestures above eye level Pointing towards ears Touching chest and stomach Some say that discovering how to pay attention to eye movements, voice, breathing, posture, and language all at once is impossible, a bit like steering, signalling, looking in the rear-view mirror, and changing gear.
Keep practising! Slowing down the pictures Julia, a marketing manager, reported to Martin. Julia used to dread their weekly meetings. Martin listened to her review of recent progress and then discussed next steps. She swung between feeling completely intimidated by his sharp mind and wondering if he was a bit mad as he sometimes talked nonsense. Julia looked downwards as she steadily explained this situation to me.
She admitted she felt uncomfortable talking about her boss in this way, but she was feeling very stressed about these interactions with Martin. After Julia indentified and understood the different rep systems that she and Martin were using kinaesthetic and visual, respectively , she started to feel better. The next week she explained to Martin: I need to slow down the pictures a bit so I can get a gut feeling for your idea.
Martin started to slow down his explanations and give a bit more information. Julia felt comfortable in asking for clarification when she needed it.
They laughed at times about their different styles whilst becoming a very successful team. Making Sense of Other People for Better Influence Using VAK Awareness to Influence After you know how someone uses their senses — and which sense they rely on first and most — you can begin using this new-found understanding.
After establishing greater rapport, you can create stronger working relationships, be better understood, and get the responses you want more often. The following sections consider some of the areas where you can use your VAK flexibility. Communicating one to one Do you just seem to connect with some people? Can you easily get on the same wavelength? No doubt some other people are a bit more tricky to get along with or to communicate well with. In particular, difficulties can arise between someone with a high visual preference and a person with strong kinaesthetic thinking, leading to confusion and conflict.
If this happens to you why not start to use a lot of words indicating one of the senses, and notice if you seem to be influencing effectively?
You can try out various sensory words see Table in all sorts of face-toface situations including performance appraisals, negotiations, planning meetings, feedback sessions, selling opportunities, and motivating discussions. Consider the following scenario: Brenda, a facilities manager, is trying to persuade John, a department head, to agree to change the working environment of his team by moving them to another part of the building.
After some discussion John says: So a sensory-specific response to visual-thinking John may be to show him some things, inviting him to look at an office layout, view some flowcharts of work moving through the new location, and to take him to the other part of the building to point out where things can be situated.
Talking on the phone With the advent of the mobile phone, people seem to spend more time than ever in telephone conversations these days. To help, put a copy of the list of sensory-specific words and phrases in Table by the phone on your desk.
If your vocabulary for some senses needs more breadth, again, rely on the words in Table Ways to develop your least preferred senses are outlined at the end of this chapter. Conversing electronically With so much communication these days taking place through email, you often need to do some important influencing with no personal interaction at all. When compiling an email think in advance about the rep system of the recipient.
If this is someone you meet face-to-face or on the phone, make sure you do all you can to detect her rep systems when speaking with her, as suggested in the Getting face-to-face and Talking on the phone sections above.
You can use this knowledge to target the words in your email to her lead rep system. Do her words give you any clues? Is she using sensory-specific words, and if so are they predominantly visual, auditory or kinaesthetic?You also use your senses when you create or recreate things in your mind. Another person may believe that as they want to be wealthy they will be, because they generally get what they want when they put all their energy and drive into a goal.
Over time, people start to use one of the senses of sight, hearing, or feeling somewhat more than the other two. Neuro-linguistic programming sure is a mouthful. The following quote shows how you can display your viewpoint from just one rep system. Guess which is her primary representation system?! I certainly do. Good supplier relationships are also critical for success.